can we get nightvision for the apartment?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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