how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
