Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
