We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
