drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
