remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
