yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the condom got lost in my hair
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
