I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
