A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize