is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You took a bar mat shot.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
