so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
