I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
