i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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