just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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