Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
