so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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