i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
