Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
