everyone is single if you try hard enough
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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