I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
