and she was petting her beer can
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize