She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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