i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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