If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
