Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize