Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
