I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
