I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
