there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
