My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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