Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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