I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
