i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
