Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
