so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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