i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
