she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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