Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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