i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
