You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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