Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
