Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
