at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
