I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
