so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
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