So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
