At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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