Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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