eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
