so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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