He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
