So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
