I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
