hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
