I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
