i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
