I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
