why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think people are normalizing furries
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
