ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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