It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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