I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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