Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
