i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
