you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
