I've blown a few things in my day
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
