Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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