This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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