Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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