NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
