so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
